Los Renos formaron fila y Pluto perseguía una ardilla. Entonces él funcionó en un árbol y cayó. Le dieron un collar con las campanas en él. El otro pensamiento Pluto' del reno; el nombre de era Feliz. Le hizo la mosca.
Mickey hizo los carteles que dijeron "Perro Perdido."Mickey estaba muy triste. Entonces un arado de nieve vino cubrir su coche con nieve y entonces Mickey consiguió cubierto en nieve.
Pluto faltó realmente Mickey. Mickey fue a la ciudad a preguntar a gente si ella ha visto Pluto. Él vio Mickey' cara de s en las nubes. Él estaba muy triste. Los Renos pensó que él tenía enfermo o hambre.
El arado de nieve persiguió Mickey otra vez. Mickey fue a Papá Noel para la ayuda. Él deseaba para que Pluto vuelva a casa para la Navidad. Los Renos intentó hacer Pluto feliz. Pluto vio mickey en la madera y comenzó a gritar Papá Noel tomó Pluto de nuevo a Mickey. Pluto estaba en el descortezamiento de la azotea. Mickey era así que excitado para ver Pluto y Pluto se placía tan ver Mickey. Sus amigos vinieron en el arado de nieve y cada uno se placía ver Pluto otra vez. Todos los amigos fueron interior y la casa de Mickey y Pluto y cantaron por el Arbol de Navidad.
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ReplyDeleteElementary II
ReplyDeleteDaniel Castañeda
Peer-Review Checklist (Last Posting)
In order to do this peer-review, first you need to watch the video segment embedded in the blog (or in Vista/WebCT).
I. First impressions
a. What did you like best about this essay?
II. Are there any places where .........
a. the writer should add more descriptions or details (the imperfect)?
b. the writer should add more main events (the preterite-move the story forward)
b. the organization of the text is unclear.
c. language is
a. ...inappropriate for purpose and audience?
b. ...difficult to understand?
II Summing up
a. In which specific ways could this text be improved?
c. What do you think needs the most revision? For instance, conjugation of verbs, use of the right tense, etc. Provide specific suggestions.
I. I liked that Marisa used different vocab instead of the same words over again.
ReplyDeleteII.
a. You could add more imperfect in describing the Reindeer with Pluto in the beginning and that Mickey was angry at the snow plow. You could add about the reindeer talking to Pluto at the house in front of the fireplace, how Pluto was still sad (maybe some parts in preterit though). At the end, you could put how Mickey felt sorry when he saw Pluto again. You could talk about Minnie and how she felt when she saw the house.
b. You could add that Pluto messed the Reindeer up while they were flying the first time for the preterit. You could also talk about the second time the snow plow hit him. Pluto fixing the star at the end is a big deal as well, in the first part of the show. You could also add that everyone was singing at the end.
c. The organization was fine, I think the language is appropriate for the audience and purpose. It was also easy to follow along and get the main point.
Summing it up--
I think the only thing you need to add is content, the conjugations and tenses seemed fine to me.
Very nice sequence of events and descriptions. I only noticed some mistakes related to literal traslations or wrong choice of words or verbs such as:
ReplyDelete1. Entonces él funcionó en un árbol y cayó (wrond choice of verb)
2. El otro pensamiento Pluto' del reno; el nombre de era Feliz. Le hizo la mosca.
(this seems like a literal translation. I am not sure what you mean here).
3. Él vio Mickey' cara de s en las nubes (this should read "el vio la cara de Mickey en las nubes)
4. Los Renos intentó,... Los Renos pensó (agreement with the conjugation of noun and verb is needed)
In general good job! your grade is 9/10.